In the modern age of technology and the internet, pregnant women have at their disposal a wealth of information available (some good and some, well, not so good). Many women sign up for a weekly e-newsletter to give them up-to-date information about the growth of their baby and the physical symptoms they may experience throughout the pregnancy.

I didn't sign up for an e-newsletter, but regularly google to find out what's happening with baby and me this week. "__ (insert #) weeks pregnant" brings up about a thousand pages, so I usually read one or two of the first 10 to give me an idea of what to expect. The information is usually pretty consistent from one to the other, so I haven't really been too worried about any inaccuracies. Until today.

I'm 21 weeks today and the first site I read was from www.i-am-pregnant.com which suggested the following:

Some women also get strong cravings for foods. If you notice a craving for something unhealthy, you should contact your doctor. Cravings unusual things is known as pica. Some women crave cigarette ashes, charcoal, beer and other non-food items during this time.

The last time I checked beer was considered a normal food item - I believe drinks are included in the food category - and can normally be craved just like lemonade (my current favorite), milk, or even water.

And since when do cravings start at 21 weeks? I craved chicken nuggets in weeks 5-8; red grapes from 15-20; and lemonade for about the past two weeks.

(Olivia feeding one of the twins)

When I first arrived back in N. America in late April, the twins were about a week old and still in the hospital. Up until I arrived, my mom and my sister's husband were taking turns hanging out at home with Olivia while the other went with my sister to the hospital to feed the twins.

My arrival was great timing because Olivia needed someone new to hang out with since she was really starting to miss her Mommy. Although I wasn't Mommy, me and my suitcase full of presents were a nice distraction. During one of our afternoons at home together, she suddenly stopped playing and asked me:

"Auntie Mollie, do you have a baby in your tummy?"

I wasn't surprised at her question because she had been pretending to have a baby in her tummy ever since she understood what it meant that Mommy had had a baby in her tummy. Plus, her other auntie also recently had a baby, so this was a logical question for her to ask me. I'd even heard her ask my mom this question a few times.

Interestingly, this was still a few days before I found out I was pregnant so I really had no idea that I indeed did have a baby in my tummy (although I did realize it was a possibility). So I answered her with a question:

"Olivia, who puts babies in mommys' tummys?"

"God does," she responded.

"Should we ask God to put a baby in my tummy?"

"Okay," she answered. Then she looked at me kind of shyly and expectantly.

"Should we pray right now?" I asked her.

"Okay."

So I put her on my lap and said a short prayer asking God to put a baby in my tummy. It was only a few days later that I got to tell her that there was a baby in my tummy and that God answered our prayer. She thought that was pretty cool and now is really excited that there's a baby in my tummy too.

I wonder what she is going to do when my baby is born and there are no more babies in tummys?

I found out I was pregnant shortly after arriving in N. America to visit my family and help my sister with the twins. I was expecting my period to start the day I left and of course it never came. That was a Thursday. Brad thought it was too soon to take a pregnancy test so I promised him I'd wait until the weekend had passed before getting my hopes up.

Both of us were a bit skeptical that I could be pregnant because we'd only started trying a short time earlier. I'd been begging Brad for months to let us start trying prior to my 30th birthday and as an early birthday present, he consented. We both were under the impression that at my age *wink, wink* it should typically take a few months for a couple to get pregnant so we thought there was no harm in trying a bit earlier than we'd planned.

So there I was Monday morning lying in bed in the guest room of my sister knowing that there were two pregnancy tests waiting for me in the bathroom just across the hall. The agreement was that I'd call him Monday afternoon (with the time change, he'd be home from work in the Netherlands) and take the test while we were on the phone together. This was, of course, if my period hadn't started by Monday morning.

And of course it hadn't. So then I was in a difficult position and had to make a decision. It clearly says on the box that the results of this test would be most accurate if I completed the test first thing in the morning. I was worried that if I took it later in the day when I called Brad, it might not work. Then I'd really be wondering since my period is never late.

So I did what any woman in my position would do - I took a pregnancy test ALONE without phoning my husband. What other choice did I have? Boy was I nervous! My hand was shaking the whole time. It seemed like it took forever for the little "pregnant" message to pop up on the screen but as you can see in the photo above, it eventually did. As you can imagine, it was NOT exactly how I'd envisioned finding out I was pregnant with our first child. In hindsight, I could have taken a test before I left, but I didn't really expect to get pregnant so soon after we started trying.

Then, of course, I had to pretend that everything was normal and hang out with my family as if I didn't have any exciting news to share. They all knew that I was waiting until the afternoon to take the test so they didn't suspect a thing. Brad, however, was a different story.

When I called him and took the test again, he suspected right away that I knew since I didn't react to the news the way he thought I would. I'm not sure exactly what he was expecting, but it obviously wasn't the right reaction. Funny thing was, I was just as nervous the second time taking it since I half expected it to be negative. He was more than a little bit disappointed that I took the test "without" him, and at the same time was freaked out trying to absorb the new reality that we were actually pregnant. With all those emotions, it was hard to tell if he was even remotely excited.

Thankfully, Brad's forgiven me and gotten more used to the idea of having a baby. As the weeks pass and my belly gets bigger, I can tell that he's getting more excited. The subsiding nausea has definitely made it a lot easier for both of us to adjust to the changes in our life, but I think Brad's still a little freaked out about the reality of "the one-way street" (as he calls it) that we've embarked on.

Procrastination...

I've been procrastinating for too long to write this post. In fact, it has been nearly 10 weeks since I've thought about it - what I was going to say, how I was going to say it, when I should exactly say it. But this debate in my head has gone on for a ridiculous amount of time so I'll just say it:

I'm pregnant!

That was easy right? Not for me. I've had a hard time motivating myself to post any blog material since I felt like all the events in my life for the past few months are centered around the pregnancy and how I was feeling at the time.

And you'll be surprised to know that I'm actually 20 weeks along already. My reference to 10 weeks is the time since I've actually been home in the Netherlands and legitimately able to post. I would have posted this sooner except that it took us longer than expected to contact all of our direct family members to let them know of the news. (We thought it better to tell them by phone than for them to read it anonymously over the internet).

And I've been physically feeling wretched! It is almost like the last 10 weeks (or more) have been lost in time. There was a period there that I barely showered or got up off the couch. However, at long last the constant nausea and vomiting has nearly subsided. Some days I still feel like staying in bed, but more often than not I almost feel like my normal self again (except for a few other changes such as this seemingly "huge" belly and nothing to wear).

So I just wanted to say that "I'm back" and keep reading because I've got stories to tell about the month I stayed with my sister, the trip to Italy with Brad's brother Matt, the 4 weeks in the middle where I lived in my PJs on the couch, the trip to Germany with Brad's other brother and his wife, and more...